My Father’s Fortune—Michael Frayn is an accomplished author and playwright who has written the story of his father’s life which is in part  an autobiography of his own youth growing up in the outskirts of London. The author has already exceeded the life span of his father who died at the age of 69. The book is Frayn’s attempt of a remembrance of his father, which he wishes to pass on to future generations of his family. By his own words, his father was not a remarkable man, rather quite typical for the times. His son is able to put  this story in public view because he is an accomplished writer who writes quite well and has a history of successful award winning novels and plays. It is not because it is a captivating unique, particularly insightful view into the human psyche. As a psychiatrist who has had the privilege of listening to many family histories in great detail over the years, this one as presented doesn’t not rate very high as one with complex  or unusual revealing psycho dynamics. Of course it was not the purpose of this author to purport his story as anything more than the tale of his beloved father.

Certainly since the author’s mother died when he was a pre-adolescent, his father took on a more significant role in his life . This was especially pertinent because his subsequent stepmother never became very important to him or to his sister. His father was a poorly educated man who had a difficult childhood, had a hereditary hearing deficit (which was not passed on to his sister or himself) and worked as an asbestos salesman for most of his life. He never had much money and would always prefer to buy something second hand or improvise even when he could afford things. He wasn’t particularly affectionate to his kids and actually made his son feel that he was a disappointment to him because he never quite caught on to the British national sport of cricket. In retrospect, the author appreciated his father’s effort to see that he had a good education which made a difference in his life especially  because he became a man of words.

It should be mentioned that the picture which he painted of his only younger sibling was not very flattering. He noted that she chose not to talk to him or his second wife for most of his adult life, without any reason known to the author. In the end, the book as broadens the reader’s cultural awareness, by describing a close up look at one family in London, in the generation spanning before, during and after World War II. The family highlight was the family’s experience with the “doodle bomb”  which was the Nazi’s pilot less rocket bombs which frequently attacked their neighborhood and all of London.
We cannot fault this talented author for wanting to tell the story of his family for future generations of his progeny. However, it would have been twice as good a read had the author instead written a novel and weaved a plot or an interesting storyline on top of all the descriptions of the events of his family.

The Spinoza Problem: A Novel: by Irvin D. Yalom–  Irvin Yalom is a prominent psychiatrist who is now Professor Emeritus at Stanford Medical School He is a well published author who is known for his outstanding books on group therapy. He also has written books about case histories and relationships, which have been very well received by the public including Love’s Executioner and Staring At the Sun, which addresses death and dying. In addition he has authored a few novels including When Nietzsche Wept and this latest book published in February 2012, The Spinoza Problem.

This very readable novel will be particularly engrossing to those who have some acquaintance with the philosophy of Spinoza or have chosen to put aside any literal understanding of the bible and question the traditional belief in God. It also will have great appeal to readers who are always drawn to trying to get further insight into how anti-Semitism and Hitler were able to flourish in post World War I Germany leading to the rise of Nazism and World War II.

Yalom acknowledges that he always had been fascinated with Spinoza but could never find a way to write about him since very little was known about his personal and inner life. In the foreword of this book he describes a circumstance, which stimulated an idea, which then allowed him to imagine this novel.

The story starts off by introducing the reader to Baruch Spinoza (nicknamed Benito), a brilliant Talmudic student in Holland and Alfred Rosenberg a student in Germany who runs for President of his College class by making an anti-Semitic speech which gets him called on the carpet by two of the faculty, one of whom is Jewish. Each chapter alternates by following the lives of one of these two young men. Spinoza who lived in the 17^th century in Holland becomes ex-communicated by his well-known Rabbi because of his heretic views of the bible and his refusal to accept a belief in God, rejecting both ideas as superstitions. Rosenberg lives in the 20^th century and experiences the aftermath of Germany’s humiliating defeat in World War I, becomes a writer and an editor, meets a young Adolph Hitler whom he idolizes and ultimately serves. Although they lived nearly 300 years apart, their connection through Spinoza’s writings resulted in nagging questions which Rosenberg pondered most of his life. These may have unconsciously challenged his deeply held anti-Semitic beliefs. On another level the examination of Spinoza’s deconstruction of a religion based philosophy founded on myths and superstitions highlights the flaws of the deeply held views of Hitler and so many of his followers.

Yalom offers this book as completely factual except for the personal life and inner thoughts of each of the protagonists and the connection that he imagines between the two. There are however some reasons that Yalom has for believing that Rosenberg could have been bothered by the problem that some earlier great German minds valued the writings of “Spinoza the Jew.”   The real lives of both men are well known.  This includes the details of the ex-communication of Spinoza from his Jewish community and the actual writings of Spinoza. Rosenberg’s life and ultimate death by hanging as a war criminal have been well documented and his views were widely disseminated, as he was an editor of a prominent Nazi newspaper as well as holding other important positions under Hitler.

There are records that show that Rosenberg did spend some time hospitalized in a Psychiatric Clinic during his Nazi years. Yalom creates therapy sessions between Rosenberg and a made up German psychiatrist who is not sympathetic to his vision. Yalom obviously does this, as he imagined the method in which he would approach Rosenberg if he were his psychiatrist.

Another made up character is Franco who is depicted as a friend and follower of Spinoza, who believes that Judaism should be changed from the inside rather than completely discarded in place of a new philosophical view of God as Nature, which was Spinoza’s view. This character becomes a Rabbi and plans to leave Europe and come to the New World and found a new religion. In the epilog of the book Yalom suggests that he was making a reference to Mordecai Kaplan a 20^th century pioneer of modernized and secularized Judaism known as the Reconstruction movement in the U.S. (although Kaplan’s trajectory was somewhat different than the character in the book).

Also in the epilog of the book Yalom quotes the wisdom that, History is fiction that happens. Fiction is history that might have happened.

This novel successfully weaves the two together in a stimulating, thought provoking and quite enjoyable novel.

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I Heard You Paint Houses: Frank” the Irishman”  Sheeran and Closing the Case on Jimmy Hoffa- by Charles Brandt (2005 edition)

When his friend and mafia boss Russell Bufalino introduced a young Frank Sheeran to Jimmy Hoffa, Hoffa’s first words were, I heard you paint houses.” These are code words for “ I heard you do killings.” Little did any of these men imagine that many years later the last person who Hoffa would ever speak to would be Sheernan who killed Hoffa at the bequest of Bufalino. Not only did Sheeran “paint houses” but when required he could also do his “own carpentry” which means he could get rid of the body.

This book is the story of Frank Sheeran as told to Charles Brandt , a former homicide investigator, prosecutor and Chief Deputy Attorney General of the State of Delaware who had prosecuted many homicides in his day. For nearly five years, Brandt gained the confidence of an older Sheernan who was in his twilight years and knew that he was dying. These interviews occurred over numerous visits, many were video or audio recorded. There also were a few trips that were taken by the author, some with Sheernan to locations where “things had happened.” In the 2005 edition of this book there was an epilog with statements by some of the key players including Sheeran’s daughter which gives further authenticity to some the amazing stories in this book.

Sheeran grew up with a tough father in a tough Irish neighborhood. He relates an incident where he knocked out his school principal, breaking his jaw, after he  was pushed around by him. He served overseas in  Europe during World War II. He became a “sniper” which entailed killing lots of enemy troops. He also related that it was not an uncommon practice to kill prisoners of war in cold blood when it was not convenient to them bring them back for detention. He became a family man after the war, getting married and having children. He worked as a truck driver among other jobs and became involved in the union movement. The reader learns how it was quite common for him and his co-workers to steal merchandise that they were transporting and then sell it to increase their earnings. Such activities are presented as “ just making a living”.

Sheeran has a chance meeting with Russell Bufalino who turns out to be one of higher up Mafia bosses. Despite not being Italian he gains the trust of his new friend and meets many other mob connected people.  When a reliable person is needed to “paint a house” Sheeran is someone who would handle the job. There were at least 20-30 such jobs including the famous hit of Joey Gallo and of course Jimmy Hoffa . The reason for the Hoffa hit, the consequences to Sheeran if he didn’t do it to one of his best friends, the details of it,  and his subsequent feelings about it are all described in great detail.

While not described in as much detail, there is also information about another well known hit and that is the “whacking of JFK.”  It is suggested that the mob needed to take some of the power away from Bobby Kennedy who as Attorney General under his brother was after the mob. Sheeran describes how he delivered the high powered rifles that were to be used for this shooting. As is often the case, the unsuspecting triggerman  is killed after a big time hit. Jack Ruby is described as a well known member of the mob who was suppose to arrange for Lee Harvey Oswald to be eliminated after he killed Kennedy. When those plans were botched, Ruby had to do it himself.

In the end so many of the perpetrators of the big time mob activities described in this book ended up in federal prison. Some were turned against each other to get time off so they wouldn’t die in prison.  Sheeran served his time and apparently never turned into “ a rat” …except in this book in a more less final confession before he died.

This book feels like a genuine window into the under belly of this world of crime and killings. If most of the participants were not already gone, you might  almost feel that your life was in danger after reading this book for knowing all this information.

Postscript: There is a rumor that Robert DiNero is on board for playing the Irishman  for a film project that will make of movie of this book with Martin Scorsese directing  and also  starring Joe Pesci and Al Pacino.

Stoner by John Williams: The reader of this 1965 novel by John Williams is presented with a mostly unhappy life of a man who became a university professor teaching English literature. He lives through two world wars, not serving in either one but seeing one of his best friend die in World War I. He watches students come and go at his university. He has a loveless marriage to a women who is emotionally quite limited. His only child, a daughter, lives in another city as an adult and becomes an alcoholic. He doesn’t have much of a relationship with her or his only grandson. Due to a conflict with the Chairman of his department, his is relatively isolated and has superficial relationships with his colleagues. Except for a brief joyful affair with a junior faculty member he appears to have very little pleasure in his life. If anything, this affair only makes him appreciate what he has missed in regards to meaningful relationships. He lives into his sixties. The author goes into great deal what he imagines his dying thoughts are like. This sections and in fact the entire book is very well written. I suppose the take away message that the author had in mind without overtly stating it, is that we only come around once and should try to experience life and relationships in as full and meaningful a way as we can. As a therapist, one cannot help but wonder if a person such as Stoner would not be so well defended psychologically, he might suffer a bit more but might be inclined to reach out for help in the form of some type of psychotherapy. This might lead to different choices and decisions with perhaps a more for filling life. You never know.

Steve Jobs by Walter Issacson

I have become an Apple person. The more I use their products the more I like them. I have known for awhile that Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, working in a garage conceived the idea for a personal computer and built the prototype of the first Apple computer. However, I knew very little more about them and how they made Apple what it is today. When Steve Jobs recently died in his fifties, I felt a personal sadness. They guy who was responsible for so much of my everyday efficiency and pleasure in communicating and trying to do creative things had died. So when I learned that that Jobs had asked the well know biographer Walter Issacson to not only write his story but to pull no punches, interview anyone and have final edit on the book, I decided I was going to read it.

The book met my expectations in every way. Not only did it trace the evolution of Apple, it’s products and it’s philosophy but it traced the evolution of Steve Jobs. In the end I would agree with the author that Jobs has to be rated as some kind of a genius along with Thomas Edison and Henry Ford because it was his single-mindedness that brought about so many drastic changes in so many people’s lives. But his personality was something else. The same qualities that led him to persist until he received the results that he wanted let him to treat so many important people in his life with insensitivity and at times downright meanness. As a psychiatrist I avoid trying to make a psychiatric diagnosis of someone I haven’t seen personally in some depth. Despite the report in this book of many personal conversations with him and interviews with many people who knew quite well, I don’t think I could make a diagnosis even if I were inclined to do so. Somewhere in the book someone speculated that he was on the autism spectrum and an old girl friend who was involved with the mental health profession was sure that he fit the criteria for narcissistic personality. There is no doubt that he was a unique person who interacted and befriended many people. He established what seemed to be a good marriage and loving children and even kept in contact with a child born out of wedlock and a sister, with whom he wasn’t brought up with, once they found each other. He clearly identified with the father who raised him up and interestingly enough by coincidence he met his biological father who ran a restaurant that he would frequent but never realized he was that person when he interacted with him.

Just as much as Steve Jobs revolutionized our way of life in regard to how we communicate and handle information and pictures through his development of the Apple computer, he did just as much to the way we listen to music. The music industry was becoming disorganized and quite problematic as people began to move from buying CDs to downloading music on line. Initially it was through Napster and music sharing which was unreliable and essentially illegal pirating of the music since the artists and the recording companies did not receive any proceeds for their products. In several strokes of his genius Jobe led the development of the ipod which allowed you to listen to your music on the run ( of course the SONY Walkman had started that ), shuffle the music and most important download just about any song by just about any artist for usually .99 cents. In order to bring this about Jobs had to convince the major recording companies and their contracted artists to agree to sell their music through the istore and allow Apple to have part of the proceeds. Since the organization of the ipod was done on the Apple computer, this sold more Apple computers. Even when Apple licensed some of their software to the PC people so they could buy through the itunes, the istore Apple reaped in more profits. Then there was the story how Jobs changed animation movies through his establishment of Pixar and all his interactions with the Disney people.

Issacson, in discussing the music revolution led by Apple and Jobs, chose to gain and share a good insight into his subject as he asked him an iconic question, “What is on your ipod?” Jobs’ discussion of the music that he loved in the 70s (some of which originated in the 60s) as well as tracing his attraction and attachment to more modern popular music is revealing of the man and his passions. I found particularly interesting was his analysis of two recordings of the same song by a few artists done at the beginning and at the end of their careers. The evolution of his taste and attraction to two different interpretations by the same artists reflected his own growth, maturity and outlook on life. I also loved the question put to Jobs as to if he could only preserve the original master recordings from his vault of only one artist or group who would it be? It came down to the Rolling Stones, the Beatles or Bob Dylan. You will have to read the book to find out who and why?

In preparing an advertising campaign for Apple products , Jobs worked very closely with his media people to establish and create a specific tone. The following is one example which I thought might very well be Jobs defining himself and can also be a tribute to him :

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits , the rebels, the troublemaker, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.

I found reading the book made me appreciate my everyday Apple experience whether it is appreciating the architecture of my local Apple store or my everyday interaction with my MAC, iphone or anticipating the new products down the line. They all started with one guy and some buddies in a garage. How about that?

How We Survived- 52 Personal Stories by Child Survivors of the Holocaust

I have read many books about the holocaust, have seen many movies about this subject and have visited various holocaust museums throughout the world. As a psychiatrist, I have treated a few holocaust survivors and many more children of holocaust survivors.
I was therefore surprised how impacted I was by reading this book which consisted of the several page first person stories of 52 holocaust survivors most of whom were born between 1926 and 1938.

I became aware of this book it when a good friend of mine John Glass who is one of the 52 authors, showed me a copy of the book and told me about the project behind it. Each author is a member of the Child Survivors of the Holocaust, Los Angeles Organization that was founded in 1983 after the publication of the book “ Love Despite Hate” by Sarah Moskovitz, PhD which consisted of interviews with child survivors of the Holocaust as adults. Dr. Moskolovitz and Dr. Florabel Kinsler organized the largest international group of child survivors with a membership of more than five hundred people. In the introduction to this book, Marie Kaufman President of the Los Angeles child survivors group and Chair of the Editorial Committee that put together the book noted that many of the authors have given oral testimony to museums and to the Shoah Visual history Foundation. But in the fifteen to twenty years since they have done so, they have become aware that for many reasons they have left part of their story untold. This book gave them opportunity to disclose secrets never divulged before.

As one reads this book and digest the narrative which is recounting horrific early childhood memories, you cannot help but consider whether these are true memories. Could they be screen memories, retrospective memories based on things they were told and learned at a later age? In the course of psychotherapy and psychoanalysis we often help patients reconstruct early childhood memories and feelings. The accuracy of the actual memory may not be as important as the meaning. I do believe that the memories reported in this book do ring to be quite true. I also would suggest a simple exercise before you read this book. Reflect back on your three or four earliest memories. Sometimes it will be helpful to choose a key event which you can easily date such as the birth of a sibling, a death or tragedy or famous event such as the assassination of JFK or Martin Luther King or the landing on the moon, a particular grade school teacher etc. Often the event that you recall will have some negative or conflictual quality. My own earliest memory is when my mother left me alone in our apartment for a few minutes to do an errand and brought me back a chocolate bar. When I discussed this memory with her many years later, she was astounded that I exactly recalled the events and she was able to date it when I was less that three years old. I recalled being under the care of an aunt during the time that my sister was born and my disappointment that a cousin has seen her first. I was less than 5 years old . I also recalled my first day of kindergarden , when I was a few months older than 5. While each of these memories had some anxiety and conflict, they were minuscule compared to the intensity of experiences of being taken away from one’s parents, hiding for prolonged periods of time, starving and witnessing and being threatened with death and destruction all of which were common place in the 53 stories of this book.

There is another important dynamic which inhibited many of the child survivors from publicly telling their story . Many were hidden children who often had to assume non Jewish identities, sometimes having several different gentile names and personas over time as young children during the war . Each time it was impressed upon them that under no circumstances were they to reveal their Jewish identity as this could mean death to them and their adopted families. So even after they were liberated, reunited with any surviving families and were beginning new lives in the United States, many still would not readily talk about their Jewish identity especially with strangers

It is very difficult to understand the experience that these children had where a normal childhood was transformed almost overnight when Kristalnacht occurred in Germany, or when the Germans took over in Poland and issued the new regulations for Jews or similar events that happened in France, Hungry, Italy, Holland and any other places conquered by the Nazi’s. They moved from their comfortable apartments or homes to the Ghetto where they were jammed into one room with extended families and strangers. In anticipation of this situation or in response to it many of their parents made a decision where it was possible to do so, to send their children into hiding with non-Jewish families. In most of the cases the parents could not be hidden with their children. Childhood separation from parents is a very meaningful experience, usually traumatic with the possibility of lasting yearning, resentment, with a wide range of fantasies. This becomes colored by the subsequent events which might include loving, rejecting the adoptive parental figures as well as being torn away from one such family as you are moved to another one. . The fate of their Jewish parents was often death as was that of most of the their original families and friends. While many of the child survivors intellectually came to understand that the decision to try to hide them allowed them to live, the full emotional understanding of this generous act on the part of their parents did not come to them until many years later. It was often when their own children born in a safe environment were now the age at which they had been put into hiding by their own parents, did they appreciate the sacrifice that was made for them. For some this realization did not occur until they had grandchildren who are at the age that they were hidden .

It is important to note that the trials and tribulations for many of these child survivors did not cease with their liberation from concentration camps or from their places of hiding.
In some situations there was persecution by the Russians who liberated them or continued anti-Semetism when they tried to return to their home town. There were hard times often relieved by the many organizations and people who tried to help them reunite their families. There were painful discoveries of what happened to missing family members. There was also long waits for visas to new countries , long travels across the ocean, learning new languages and adapting to a new culture

As was the case of many survivors who were adults during the holocaust , these child survivors spent many years trying to forget and not to look back. They were building a new a life and did not want their children haunted by such terrible events. Their parents who survived or adoptive parents and relatives often did not believe that the experiences which they had as children made a lasting impression on them. As they moved on to a “normal life” in the United States the child survivors themselves thought that their memories and experiences were quite unique and as mentioned above were not inclined to talk about them. Many report an amazingly dramatic unburdening feeling when they attended their first meeting of child survivors. The intensity of that feeling and the realization that so many other children had gone through similar events was life affirming and literally changed the course of the lives.

It is noteworthy that so many of the child survivors have gone on to have very productive lives. Perhaps because they themselves have been helped by strangers (many of whom have been recognized in Yad Vashem as the ‘righteous gentiles” or “righteous among nations”) they have chosen a helping profession themselves. It seems to me that a high percentage have gone on to be social workers, therapists and teachers. Some report moving into these fields after a successful career in business. Others have become artists and poets expressing their feelings and experiences in their work. There were numerous poems as part of the narratives.

Many of the child survivors did not talk about the past for most of their lives and for many it has only been in their twilight years that most have felt an obligation to tell their stories or record a first hand account that will exist for future generations. A good number of the authors of this have devoted many hours to teaching about the holocaust in schools and museum and giving lectures in various settings. These activities and the writing of the chapter for this book as well as other publications that some of them have done appears to have been therapeutic for the. .

The authors appeared to have tried their best to be sincere and honest in sharing all these events and their past and present feelings about what they have been through. For most there is a triumph for having survived and for being responsible for the presence of so many wonderful people that they have nurtured and supported in their subsequent lives For some of people there is still an ever present wound or bewilderment and pain which stretches from their childhood to their later years. They are still trying to figure out why and how the events of their childhood could have happened. For all there is the satisfaction of having told the story of what really happened so those who were deprived of their lives will not be forgotten

This was not an easy book to read. While I read it in linear fashion over a two week period and did not intersperse with other books perhaps that might not be the best way to read it. For some it might be best to consume it in small doses . I suspect that some readers will appreciate the value of the book but will put it aside and may not complete it.

I realize also that I may not have captured the essence of the experience of the authors in this review. I would like to give you a few random excerpts although I hope over time you will read the complete version of each of these 52 stories as they all deserve to be remembered:

Lea- Born 1938 I was placed through the Dutch underground with a Christian family. There were many other children. Suddenly the family was betrayed. The underground took all the children away to new hiding places. On of my first memories was of being on a train with other boys and girls…. I was taken to family of farmers in the small town of Horst by two men dressed in police uniforms. My clothes were torn and I had sores all over my body. The men said that they ha d smuggled me out of some detention center but I have never been able to find out what happened to me.

Jack- Born 1926- The ghetto was organized into factories of every possible trade and all the the production was for the German military…My father could not get employment…When I saw my dad for the last time he was forty one years old…In July 1944 we were transported in cattle cars to Auschwitz-Birkenau. I was with my mother…(We) went through a selection conducted by Dr. Mengele. My mother was sent to the other side. Now sixty four years later, I can still see her walking hunched over, as if she know where she was going. I’m still haunted by this picute and I know that I will for the rest of my life. How do I reconcile the fact that my children are now older than my parents were when they were murdered.?

Lya- Born 1936- When I was seven and she (sister) was four we both went into hiding with different families. The thought never occurred to me that this would be the last time I’d ever see my parents. They never knew where we ended up…In 1946 my sister and I were sent live with Parents Number 5 in Denmark…I was a very difficult teenager. Obstinate, opinionated, aggressive. I was sent out of class many times. It was sheer anger- a way of expressing myself to the world…My husband ( also a survivor) wasn’t interested in talking about his experiences and for the longest time I didn’t think that mine really countered. …I started dealing with my past in 1993, I was fifty six…. That’s when I first shared my story ( in a group ) about losing my parents, grandparents, being separated from my sister and being in hiding with strangers. After that night, I became more aware of my own feelings. I could justify them. They were real and they weren’t something nonexistent.

Peter- Born 1936- In 1940 when I was four years old I was no longer permitted to attend my pre school nor to attend any other school. From my earliest memories, I had to wear a yellow star with the word “Jude” on my jackets and shirts…People looked at us in disgust and were often rude to my mother when she shopped for food…Only 32 out of the 100 Jews transported in the cattle car I was in survived the Holocaust. I lived in the children’s barracks (in Terezin)…We slept in bunk beds on straw and had only a thin blanket. There was only cold water to wash ourselves in the summer and harsh winters…There was small piece of bread in the morning with some brown water they called “coffee” and for supper a watery soup with an occasional small potato. We were half starved yet we were expected to work…(After the war)I lived my teenage years as a laborer, farm hand truck driver across the US. …By the age of 33 I had completed high school, graduated from San Diego State University and received a graduate degree in Global Management. … I have seven grandchildren.

Robert- Born 1935- When I was four years old our lives changed forever, The Gestapo came to our apartment and told us to take just a little luggage and follow them. They sent us by train to the Polish border. The poles would not let us in and Germans would not take us back…We traveled around Poland living as gentiles with an assumed name….The family that hid me decided to put me in the attic in the house. Many times they forgot to take care of me and did not feed me. …After the uprising failed the Germans planned eliminate the city’s population.. Everyone was loaded upon trains, which were headed to Auschwitz. …We knew we were going to be killed…My mother noticed that one of the cars had an opening on top. The train stopped about 100 yards from the Auschwitz concentration camp. My step father Emil lifted me up over the open car and I was able to open the train car door…In February 1947 we took a boat to America and settled with our extended family in Pittsburgh. I quickly learned English and graduated from Carnegie Mellon University in 1957 with degree in electrical engineering. …Over the years I have spoken about the holocaust to thousands of middle and high school children.

Erika- Born 1928- At the time of my birth my parents (in Hungary) owned two kosher restaurants. I went to school unitl the age of fourteen when the anti Jewish Hungarian government closed the Jewish schools. Anti-Semetism forced many Jewish owned businesses to close or be taken over by non-Jews. Most of my uncles had been taken to forced labor camps in early 1940-42…I was deported to Auschwitz with my mother. We were lucky and escaped the selection. …On the day the Soviet liberators entered our camp they raped many women and wanted us to work for them. …I was helped tremendously by breaking the silence and talking about my experiences. Confronting my losses and acknowledging the effects of the traumatic times in my life have helped me to recover psychologically. However I still have problems such as fear of authority, anxiety about the health of my family, about separation and the fear of loss.